A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes...

Dreams are funny things, I think. And I don't just mean the weird things that run through your head at night that you don't always remember. And I'm not just talking about the hope type dreams you have for your life. I mean both kinds of dreams, and how similar they are. Or how much they can intertwine. If you want something badly enough, and you think about it enough, it often enters into your dreams. When I watch way too much of a show,play some video game constantly, or am in the midst of whatever my latest obsession is that obsession usually enters into my dreams in one way or another. Like that weird Buffy dream I had a few weeks ago after I spent nearly the entire weekend watching season 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I remember in my senior year of high school when I had to keep a dream journal for my AP psychology class. Honestly, my dreams are really really weird. Which is something I've always wondered, are most people's dreams really weird? Plus, my dreams always feel more like video games than movies. There's usually some sort of protagonist (not always me, but much of the time it is) and I'm playing in their role, but at the same time I realize that it's not real and it's just some crazy adventure. I've had dreams where it REALLY felt like a video game because there was leveling up, party characters, map "screens", etc. Some of these video game dreams can rival Japanese RPGs in weirdness, and you've ever played a JRPG then you know that's saying something.

The weirdest dreams, though, are the ones where my dreams for real life slip through. I usually obsess about things pretty heavily and they tend to dominate my thoughts in a sort of endless loop of worrying/wanting/excitement/plans/etc. So similarly to when Buffy pops up in a dream those real life dreams that I obsess about manifest themselves. Like this going to Japan thing. I can't tell you the number of dreams that are either set entirely in Japan or I go to Japan.

But, because they're real things that I want in the real world, those are the weirdest dreams. I just wish I could stop having these dreams in my sleep, and make them goals. Goals are things that can actually happen. Goals have substance. Goals are concrete. Dreams are kind of like old school Disney princesses who wait around hoping that someone will rescue them from whatever predicament they're in (ie Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, even Belle somewhat, although she shows initiative by trying to rescue her father). Goals are more like the "girl power" princesses where they go out and do the things they know they should/want to (ie Mulan, Tiana).

Anyway, just some thoughts on dreams. I am curious though, how do your dreams usually play out?

Now I really do need to go read Gravity's Rainbow and study Japanese because I've spent the past few hours changing my blog layout and writing this post. Speaking of which, how does the layout look? Any comments/suggestions/things that are broken but I missed?

I Dreamed a Dream

I've gotten a few steps closer to my study abroad application today. My advisor finished the recommendation form (that I dropped off yesterday, crazy productive man) and I ordered my official transcript. With each step it becomes a little bit more real, and a little bit scarier. I'm somewhat adventurous, but admittedly taking off for a foreign country where I somewhat know the language for two months and I'll be more or less on my own is stretching my sense of adventure. Okay, I realize I'm not actually in the program yet, it's only for two months, and I'll have ages to prepare, but still! Really! It's not exactly something I've ever done before. It's exciting and sounds amazing, but still somewhat frighting.

Speaking of things that are somewhat frightening, my dream last night was one of those incredibly vivid ones that are intense to the point of being tiring. But it was also nice because there were a few aspects that I wish would happen (and are physically possible of happening) in real life so I was a little sad to wake up. Then again I was also Buffy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (but I was still me and living my life) which was the stressful and intense part. Really, I'd never want to actually be her. Have her crazy awesome slayer powers? Maybe. Deal with the demons and the undead and the apocalypse every single year? I'll pass. This might be an indicator that I've been watching too much Buffy, but I haven't watched a single episode since last Monday, I swear! Despite the fact that both the people I told this dream to today had the same almost instant reaction that I've been watching the show too much, I'm sticking with my assertion that I don't have a problem...

Back on the topic of dreams, I think dreams like this are interesting because, despite the fantastic dream-like qualities to them, they feel more like real life than other dreams. Dreams like this blur the lines between reality and dream. What is the dream and what isn't? Did that conversation you distinctly remember having with you mom last week happen in real life? Or in the dream? There are some parts in Gravity's Rainbow that slip into and back out of a dream again, and if you're not careful you can completely miss the shift. If you've seen Inception there's that part where Leonardo DiCaprio's character is explaining to Ellen Page's character that dreams feel real when we're in them, and it isn't until we wake up that we realize something wasn't quite right.

Anyway, I just hope tonight's dreams are a little less intense so I don't feel so tired when I wake up. Being the Slayer is tough- even when it was only a dream.

None Whatsoever

I definitely should have done more homework over this three-day weekend. I mean, I'm not necessarily doomed this week but I'm not exactly in the best spot either. From the looks of my Google calendar, this week doesn't look too bad. The problem is that next week I'll be completely dead if I don't get a certain amount ahead. Thank goodness for four day weeks after three day weekends that followed the week of drowning in homework.

The reason for my having next to no homework done right now at 7:38 Monday night after a three-day weekend? Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Hands down. Yes, I hung out with friends and did things, but honestly. I watched most of season five, and I watched seven episodes of season six today. I would have watched less of season six, but I really really wanted to get to the "Once More with Feeling" musical episode. Which, by the way, is a product of television GENIUS. No lie. Well, that episode was really only part of my need to keep watching episodes. The other large part of inability to focus on productive things today was my Spike/Buffy shipping that's been happening since Spike crashed into Sunnydale. Things keep happening with those two, and I want to keep watching to see more! I mean, I'm ridiculously close to slapping Buffy and hugging Spike with everything that keeps happening. Well, figuratively obviously. If I did either of those things literally I'd probably die because they'd kill me. Or, in actuality, I'd probably be crazy since they're both fictional characters.

Anyway, on that note of crazy I really do need to go read about 90 pages of Gravity's Rainbow and probably a few other things before I go to sleep. AND because I have no self control I'm going to watch the return of Chuck that will be happening in about 15 minutes.

I really have no self control.

None whatsoever.

Context

I'm currently in the last five episodes of season 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer while baking banana bread and banana cake AND doing tiny bits of homework (albeit very tiny). I mean, I won't be able to focus on homework until I finish this season, so why bother? Right?

Seriously, though, this season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer has been amazing. It's also interesting because there's an episode near the middle that has this lovely way of ripping your heart out but it's still beautiful (if you've seen it you know which one I'm referring to) that I had actually seen before. My friend Jessica has always been a little aghast at the fact that this episode was the only episode of Buffy I'd seen the entire way through for the longest time. I had seen parts of the one where Xander is possessed by a hyena and parts of the last episode of the fifth season, but "The Body" was the only one I'd seen it its entirety. It was odd watching it today, finally in context of the five years of history the show had gone through previous to the episode. It was interesting to remember the first time I watched it, not understanding various relationships and histories and characters, and then comparing it to watching it now.

It's kind of like when you take anything out of context. Sure, you can understand most of it, but there's so much more beneath that you just can't see. Which makes me think about people. People, it seems, are always out of context. Or more importantly, we can only seem to understand someone in context. Or maybe it's the context we often understand more than the person themselves.

Or maybe I've been watching to much TV and eating/drinking too much stuff with sugar in it and it's going to my brain.